Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie (B$M)

Directed By: Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim

Starring: Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim, Zach Galifianakis, and Will Ferrell

Once in a while, I go to the movies, and I almost forget why I love the movies so much.  Sometimes the movies I go see are just so terrible that my faith in the magic of cinema wavers a bit.  Particularly now, in this early part of the year, I really just go into this sort of movie depression.  There's a lot of crap making its way into theaters these days.  When I go and see a film like Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie, I wonder where all the good movies went.  Then, I wonder where the nearest bar is.

Tim (Tim Heidecker) and Eric (Eric Wareheim) were recently granted a billion dollars by the Schlaang Corporation to make a movie.  After spending boatloads of cash on highly paid assistants and pointless luxuries, they've exhausted their production budget. They've made quite a lengthy movie in the process as well.  Their new film lasts a whopping total of three minutes.  Enraged by the billion dollars that have gone down the drain, the Schlaang Corporation threatens to sue Tim and Eric to get their money back. They would even love to see the two locked away in jail for the foreseeable future.  Not so enamored by their prospects, Tim and Eric have to figure out a way to make a billion dollars and pay the corporation back.  When Damien Weebs (Will Ferrell) advertises a position running his mall that pays a billion dollars, they've found their golden opportunity.  Tim and Eric land the job and are now charged with revitalizing a mall with lots of hobos, plenty of strange stores, and a wolf that has a taste for man flesh.

You really have to be a fan of Adult Swim to get into Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie.  For the rest of us, B$M is the most pointless piece of crap through which we've ever had to suffer.  For a comedy with the likes of Will Ferrell, Zach Galifianakis, John C. Reilly, Jeff Goldblum, and Erica Durance, I expected so much more.  I expected to at least chuckle once over the course of the 90-minute film.  I can sadly say I did not.  There are so many bad jokes about bromance, torture, and sex that I couldn't get into B$M no matter how hard I tried.  The movie just sucks, and there's no denying it.  Honestly, I was tempted to walk out of the theater. 

B$M is a cruel form of torture.  You couldn't pay me a billion dollars to go see that awful flick again.  It's the kind of movie you show captives during an interrogation.  It's the kind of movie for which you break out the strongest liquor you've got and start downing shots. It's the kind of movie for which you need to be wasted to watch.  Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie gets a wasted rating.  Break out the good stuff for this one.