Directed By: Ken Scott

Starring: Patrick Huard, Antoine Bertrand, and Julie LeBreton

At the ripe old age of 25, I can tell you with 100% certainty that I am not ready to have kids.  They sap all your energy.  They eat up all your time.  They spend all your money.  I do know this.  Whenever I do decide to become a father, I'll have one and then I'll be done.  Multiple kids are not in the cards for me.  I can't fathom having more than one kid terrorizing my home on a 24/7 basis, much less 533 kids as is the case for David Wozniak in Ken Scott's Starbuck.

Between 1988 and 1990, David Wozniak (Patrick Huard) lived right next door to LaFrance clinic and supplemented his income by routinely jerking off at the fertility clinic.  Over a 23-month period, he made 693 sperm donations.  Having made just under 25 thousand dollars for his tiresome efforts, David can certainly attest to the fact that masturbation does pay.  Fast forward to the present, however, and David has a big problem.  Because of his particularly strong sperm, he's fathered 533 children.

Of his unusually large number of offspring, 142 are filing a class action suit against the fertility clinic to force them to reveal David's identity.  All the children know is that their biological father donated sperm under the alias of Starbuck.  This news couldn't have come at a more inopportune time for David.  He's sadly a loser working as a meat delivery guy for his father's (Igor Ovadis) butcher shop.  He's 80 thousand dollars deep with some loan sharks in town and they're looking to get their money back or squeeze the life out of him.  To make matters worse, his girlfriend Valérie (Julie LeBreton) has just informed him that she's pregnant.  With all that's happening, the only bright spot is that he has no legal fees.  His close friend (Antoine Bertrand) is his attorney.

Because of its rather unique premise, Starbuck is a film with loads of potential, no pun intended.  Unfortunately, it doesn't quite realize it.  The humor is uneven, and the film gets fairly preposterous at times.  A movie about a guy who's had 533 children is going to be anything but serious, but things get a bit too silly at times.  Nonetheless it's enjoyable.  It's a decent, straightforward feel-good comedy.  The problem with Starbuck is that this fun little Canadian romp could have been the next big international comedy.  The material is there, and it could have been downright hilarious.  Instead, it's just a funny little movie.

The cast delivers decent performances.  However, they don't exactly impress me in the film.  As titular character David Wozniak, Patrick Huard brings some charisma to the big screen as this guardian angel to his unaware children.  His problem is that he whines too much and tells his woeful life story to his friend the attorney over and over again.  As Starbuck's friend, Antoine Bertrand is mildly amusing, but he doesn't deliver anything worth lauding.  The only cast member who has a memorable comedic turn is Julie LeBreton as Starbuck's girlfriend Valérie.  She brings some genuine wit to the big screen, but even she gets too silly at times.

Starbuck is nothing to write home about.  That being said, it's an enjoyable film with some untapped comedic potential.  I'd recommend a little Sauvignon Blanc with this one.  Starbuck gets a 0.06% rating.

There is one lesson in Starbuck worth remembering.  If you are making a donation at a sperm clinic, always sign the confidentiality agreement.