That's My Boy

Directed By: Sean Anders

Starring: Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, and Leighton Meester

Hollywood has decided to travel back in time this weekend.  We're going back to the 80s!  With the star-studded musical Rock of Ages and the new Adam Sandler comedy That's My Boy, we're getting a double dose of the past.  Unfortunately for Happy Madison and Adam Sandler, going back in time won't help to undo the damage done to their brand in recent years with films like Jack & Jill.  That's My Boy is just another bad Adam Sandler movie.

In his youth, Donny Berger (Sandler) is your average horny teenage boy until he starts a relationship with his math teacher Miss McGarricle (Eva Amurri Martino).  They have a lengthy relationship and clandestinely have sex all over the school until they're caught in the act during a student body meeting in the school auditorium.  It just so happens that Miss McGarricle has been impregnated by Donny.  This certainly doesn't prevent her from getting convicted for child molestation and being sentenced to 30 years in prison.  After all of the drama of this sex scandal plays out, Donny Berger cashes in on his newfound fame and makes some big bucks.  He starts partying hard and living life in the fast lane while raising his son Han Sol Berger (Andy Samberg).

Fast forward to the present, and Donny is now a broke, washed up celebrity with only $28 to his name.  There's a bigger problem at play.  Donny hasn't paid taxes in almost 20 years and owes the IRS $43,000.  If he doesn't pay the money by this coming Tuesday, he'll be going to jail.  Desperate for cash, he makes a deal to reunite his son Han Solo with his mother in a taped visit to the prison.  When Donny drops into Han's home uninvited, he encounters a very different man than the one he raised.  His son will have nothing to do with him and has even changed his name to Todd Peterson.  Todd is now a wealthy hedge fund manager who's getting married to Jamie (Leighton Meester) this weekend.  Donny must reconnect with Todd and get him to visit the prison this weekend.  If not, Donny’s trip to jail will become more than just a visit.

I've found a new entry for the 2012 Wasted Movies List in That's My Boy.  There are so many issues with this unfunny comedy that I don't know where to start.  I'll just take it from the top.  That's My Boy is a film that offends a whole lot of folks—teachers, Asians, and even washed up celebrities.  Teachers everywhere can take offense to the sex scandal openly endorsed by Sandler and the filmmakers as the movie’s premise.  Asian immigrants should be offended by the countless, tasteless insults thrown their way by Sandler and the filmmakers.  Washed up celebs should be offended by the mere notion that Sandler has decided to play one on screen.  As Donny Berger, Sandler is giving a bad name to all those stars whose fifteen minutes of fame ended some time ago.

While That's My Boy offends the world with a number of distasteful insults, it disgusts the other half with tons of perverted images.  Who the hell wants to see Luenell dancing around naked in a strip club?  I certainly don’t.  It’s just not right.  If that's not bad enough, you'll have to manage to stomach seeing 89-year-old Peggy Stewart in a bikini.  She’s old as dirt!  What kind of crap is that?  This movie scarred me for life with some of the stuff it shows. 

One of the things that surprises me time and time again in these Adam Sandler movies is how Sandler can continue to attract top talent and waste all of it.  Why the hell would Susan Sarandon and James Caan let themselves end up in this crap?  With Sarandon's extremely limited screen time and Caan's atrocious Irish accent, they can't do anything to stop the train wreck in progress that is That's My Boy.  

Adam Sandler has truly lost the gift of comedy.  If having Andy Samberg hump and vomit on a manikin passes as comedy, we have a problem.  If having Vanilla Ice pee into the air and claim to be a fountain passes as comedy, we have a serious problem.  That's My Boy is one of the worst movies I've had the unfortunate privilege to see all year.  It definitely gets a wasted rating.  I don't have a damn clue what you should drink to get to the state of inebriation you need to reach in order to endure this flick.  Just ask your bartender for something strong before torturing yourself and seeing this movie.