A Haunted House

Directed By: Michael Tiddes

Starring: Marlon Wayans, Essence Atkins, Cedric the Entertainer, Nick Swardson, David Koechner, and Dave Sheridan

Horror movies are bad enough on their own these days.  There's absolutely no need to make matters worse by making spoofs of these often horrible flicks.  It's absolutely pointless.  The only evidence I need to justify my position is that there is a Scary Movie 5 coming this year.  Nothing more needs to be said to make my case.  However, my opinion is worthless when it comes to Hollywood studios trying to juice their profits.  Hence, we have A Haunted House, a Paranormal Activity spoof written by Marlon Wayans and directed by Michael Tiddes.
Malcolm (Wayans) is starting a new chapter in his life.  His girlfriend Kisha (Essence Atkins) is moving in with him today.  The house is ready.  His housekeeper Rosa (Marlene Forte) has cleaned the place up.  Everything is perfect, until Kisha actually arrives.  While driving up to the house, she runs over and kills Malcolm's hypoallergenic dog Shiloh.  Later, she farts through the night and stinks up their bedroom.  Her sex life with Malcolm has even taken a turn for the worse, and Malcolm's self-patented sex move the "vortex" isn't being put to use in bed.  On top of all of these problems, paranormal things begin occurring throughout the Johnson home.  Malcolm and Kisha have a ghost in the house, and things are about to get freaky.

A Haunted House is a rare horror spoof that focuses entirely on one film franchise.  Instead of tackling multiple movies from the genre, Tiddes and Wayans hone in on the Paranormal Activity series.  Some might argue that this film applies to the whole found footage genre and films like The Devil Inside, but I would argue differently.  This is a film with a poltergeist as the central villain.  That's Paranormal Activity to the tee.  While I admire what they're trying to do, A Haunted House just doesn't get the job done.  It’s just not funny. 

The biggest problem for A Haunted House is the film's laser focus on sex jokes.  The film is funny at first as it parodies the popular horror mockumentary.  Somewhere along the way though, the film just becomes all about sex.  We've got Marlon Wayans giving a rather passionate sex tutorial with stuffed animals.  We've got Nick Swardson's Chip the Psychic continuously trying to fondle Wayans whenever opportunity knocks.  We've even got a "Mandingo party" that Cedric the Entertainer's Father Williams is keen on attending.  All of this is what I choose to tell you.  Trust me when I say that things get even more sexual.  For a 90-minute film, there’s not enough diversity in the humor.

The supporting actors that Michael Tiddes puts in the spotlight don't offer Wayans and Atkins any assistance either.  David Koechner, Nick Swardson, and Cedric the Entertainer all drop the ball in A Haunted House.  For all this comedic talent, we get worthless plays on racial stereotypes, pointless gay jokes, and one ghetto exorcism.  With this in mind, there's only one way to get through this movie, and it involves a whole lot of liquor.

I'm sure it's no surprise that A Haunted House gets a wasted rating.  Altogether, the film is oversexed and underwhelming.  I'm not going to belabor the point that this horror spoof sucks.  It’s unfortunate too because I try to support black movies.  However, a film's quality has to speak for itself.  Right now, A Haunted House is speaking to me and telling me to liquor up at the bar.  Have some Jolly Rancher shots with this one.