Wrath of the Titans

Directed By: Jonathan Liebesman

Starring: Sam Worthington, Rosamund Pike, Bill Nighy, Édgar Ramirez, Toby Kebbell, Danny Huston, Ralph Fiennes, and Liam Neeson

Wrath of the Titans has finally hit theaters.  This means we get to watch studios take a big crap all over Greek mythology for the millionth time.  I'm not a fan of the 2010 flick Clash of the Titans.  I'm also not a fan of Sam Worthington.  That being said, I went into Wrath of the Titans with pretty low expectations.  I didn't expect some grand tale brought to life by great acting.  I didn't expect to get a charming hero that would make me cheer for him on the battlefield.  I just expected a mindless action flick with some semblance of coherence.  Unfortunately, I didn't even get that.  Wrath of the Titans is an epic failure that can't even meet the ultra-low standards set for it by its predecessor.

Perseus (Sam Worthington) has spent the last several years of his life hiding from his destiny.  He's been raising his son Helius (John Bell) and making a living as a fisherman.  It's worth noting that he doesn't pray to the gods either.  For the man who killed the Kraken, that's not really a meaningful life.  Meanwhile, events are in motion that will bring Perseus to the battlefield.  With most Greeks like Perseus choosing not to pray to the gods, the Olympians are losing their power.  This means that all their work, including their imprisonment of the titans, will be undone.

When Zeus (Liam Neeson) calls on Perseus for help to rebuild the walls of Tartarus and to solidify the prison that holds Kronos and the other titans, Perseus rejects him.  Zeus then decides to go to Tartarus with Poseidon (Danny Huston) and Ares (Édgar Ramirez) to meet his brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes).  He intends to resolve this crisis with the other gods’ help.  When he gets there, he's quickly betrayed by his vengeful brother Hades and jealous son Ares.  They imprison the king of the gods and leave him to be killed by his own father Kronos.  Now, Zeus must be freed from captivity, or Earth will be subject to utter chaos and destruction.  Along with Queen Andromeda (Rosamund Pike) and fellow demigod Agenor (Toby Kebbell), Perseus must go on a quest to the underworld to rescue his father and save the world.

While Clash of the Titans sucked, I think the sequel might just be worse.  Wrath of the Titans is a movie that can be defined in one word—randomness.  The film is anything but coherent because most developments in the plot make no sense whatsoever.  For instance, the storyline for Édgar Ramirez's Ares is totally irrelevant.  Because he wasn't in the original film, it's hard for me to give a damn when the war god whines about his daddy issues.  Another example of the film's randomness is the relationship between Perseus and Andromeda.  Why the hell are they so close now?  They weren't that chummy in the first film, and they obviously haven't spoken since Perseus killed the Kraken.  Like most of Wrath of the Titans, these things make no sense.

Aside from some decent special effects, Wrath of the Titans is pretty boring.  There's no real humor.  The writing is terrible.  On top of this, we have to suffer through Sam Worthington's bland performance.  I've said it in the past, and I'll say it again.  Worthington is a manufactured star who has no charm, no presence, and no skill on screen as an actor whatsoever.  He has no business playing Perseus, and we as viewers have done nothing to deserve this punishment.  His bland portrayal of the hero makes for a bland film overall.

In Wrath of the Titans, the filmmakers keep digging themselves into a hole.  Instead of climbing out, they just keep digging and finding more crap to throw at moviegoers.  Obviously, this kind of incoherent, random nonsense is going to get a wasted rating.  There's no way in hell that you could enjoy Wrath of the Titans without some strong stuff in your system.  I recommend mystery shots.  I don't care how you get drunk, but you need to do so if you're going to torture yourself by going to see this one.