Movie 43

Directed By: Peter Farrelly, Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill, Steve Carr, Rusty Cundieff, James Duffy, Griffin Dunne, Patrik Forsberg, James Gunn, Bob Odenkirk, Brett Ratner, and Jonathan van Tulleken

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry, Emma Stone, Chloë Grace Moretz, Gerard Butler, Elizabeth Banks, Kristen Bell, Naomi Watts, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Common, Kate Winslet, Anna Faris, Richard Gere, Uma Thurman, Seann William Scott, Justin Long, Jason Sudeikis, Josh Duhamel, Leslie Bibb, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Seth MacFarlane, Kate Bosworth, Bobby Canavale, Terrence Howard, Tony Shalhoub, Stephen Merchant, John Hodgman, Patrick Warburton, Jack McBrayer, Jimmy Bennett, Matt Walsh, Johnny Knoxville, Emily Alyn Lind, Jeremy Allen White, Martin Klebba, Aasif Mandvi, Julie Ann Emery, Beth Littleford, Mark L. Young, Michael Wilbon, Nate Hartley, Julie Claire, Corey Brewer, Will Sasso, Jared Dudley, Larry Sanders, and Snooki

What is Movie 43?  That's a question that has been plaguing me for months.  After cryptic trailers full of countless stars and an otherwise mysterious marketing effort, I finally get it.  Overloaded with big name actors, Movie 43 is the raunchy version of Stars in Shorts.  While I applaud this massive cast for trying to do something a little different in mainstream cinema by making shorts, this crazy film is too much.  It's just too much.

Charlie Wessler (Dennis Quaid) is looking to get a movie made.  His screenplay is smart and touching, yet it's blockbuster material.  He's making his pitch to studio executive Griffin Schraeder (Greg Kinnear).  Charlie first tells Griffin about a woman named Beth (Kate Winslet) and her blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), a real catch.  This successful executive has everything going for him, except for the minor fact that he has two hairy testicles hanging from his chin.  For Beth, this is the surprise date from hell.

Afterwards, Charlie goes on to tell Griffin about two parents Robert and Samantha (Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts) and their tireless efforts homeschooling their son Kevin (Jeremy Allen White) and giving him all the crappy experiences of adolescence.  After two ridiculously offensive stories, Griffin says enough and that there's absolutely no point in making this movie.  As he begins questioning Charlie about how he got this meeting, Charlie whips out a gun and breathes fresh air into the negotiation process.  He continues making his pitch with more insane stories and eventually goes to see Griffin's boss Bob Mone (Common) about a deal for his movie.

I'm at a loss for words when it comes to Movie 43.  This film is just ridiculous.  Every time you think it won't get more outrageous and more insanely offensive, it somehow does.  Movie 43 is clearly battling with A Haunted House to hit a new low bar in low-brow entertainment.  Having suffered through both movies, I don't think there's a clear winner.  The losers are very clear though.  They're all the moviegoers who had to take a whiff of this crap masked as comedy.

After finishing Movie 43, I was left wondering what the hell I had just watched.  After all, we've got iBabe MP3 players with vaginas or "vagports", vending machines and copiers with sad little kids inside them, a proposition from Anna Faris for Chris Pratt to poop on her, a date that turns into a perverted game of "Truth or Dare" between Halle Berry and Stephen Merchant, and some strange superhero speed dating with half of the Justice League — Batman (Jason Sudeikis), Robin (Justin Long), Superman (Bobby Canavale), Supergirl (Kristen Bell), Wonder Woman (Leslie Bibb), and even Lois Lane (Uma Thurman).  I don't think I need to say anymore.

As much as I hate this movie, I must admit that there are some funny moments in the film.  In their portrayals of parents Robert and Samantha in the segment “Homeschooled”, Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber had me rolling for a moment until things got sexual in their abusive upbringing of Jeremy Allen White's Kevin. Other somewhat enjoyable shorts include "The Machine Kids" and "Middleschool Date".  Aside from child enslavement and Chloë Grace Moretz's bloody introduction to the menstrual cycle, there seems to be some level of tact within these shorts.  These segments don't push the envelope as much as the others and find some genuine humor — a rare feat in this otherwise crazy movie.

Movie 43 definitely requires lots of liquor.  Because the movie is overloaded with ridiculous segments about violent leprechauns, cats that masturbate, and well-endowed black basketball players, there's no one drink I can recommend.  All I know is that Movie 43 gets a wasted rating.  I'm thinking mystery shots!  If you've imbibed enough liquor, stick around after the initial credits.  There's one more short if you dare.